Hello again

This week has been an intense week. Among some of the intensity was launching of a brand new website for my art business. I won’t link it here because this blog represents an old version of me. This blog (and its previous one) represented a young man who had been shaped by wanting to be pleasing to other people. Ironically, this resulted in someone coiled up in bitterness, frustration and anger. This was conveyed through how I typed. I knew vaguely who I was as a person, but only distantly now. It was only by rereading my posts stretching back almost 10 years did I realise how much I am not that person now. I only came across those posts because I had forgotten to transfer certain information from my old website (I was very excited to go-live as it were). My old website was built on wordpress, so I hoped perhaps some of my emails might be attached to wordpress and thus would let me access the old site. Instead I found a time capsule of me. The time before and after becoming a Christian.

I revisited how my mind worked when I was confused and frustrated with people and the world. I saw how I evasively spoke about the emotionally intense experience, which was my “conversion”. I read the first theological reflections on challenging topics. I have deleted my original blog, which I kept whilst I was at university. It was interesting to see who I was, but I am certainly not him anymore. There is no good to keep that content online. I came to delete this blog, but I saw there were posts that had value, even if I disagree with not proofing or tone.

And today I post this, if in the event a random user stumbles across my blog. This post serves as a reassurance that I am fine. I won’t say I am filled with joy every moment, and I carry things with me. But I am fine. I will be fine.

Much love internet stranger.

Merrymaker Mortalis exists solely as an alias of a man in his early 20s who is trying to work out who they are.